Epitaphs Found on Real Headstones

In
a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery
:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
Harry Edsel Smith
of Albany, New York
:
Born 1903-Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down.
It was.
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
     
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in
East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia
:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
The Good Die Young.
In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
In a Silver City, Nevada cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
     
In
a Ribbesford, England cemetery
:
Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
On a grave from the 1880s
in Nantucket, Massachusetts
:
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there’s only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.
Anna Hopewell’s grave
in Enosburg Falls,Vermont
:
Here lies the body of our Anna –
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
     
A lawyer’s epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
John Penny’s epitaph
in the Wimborne, England cemetery
:
Reader, if cash thou art
In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep;
And thou wilt find a Penny.
In a Rhinebeck, NY cemetery:
“Death is a debt to nature due,
Which I have paid, and so must you.”
     
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.

In a cemetery in England:
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
Remember this and follow me. 

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I’ll not consent
Until I know which way you went 

 

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle
Went out of tune.