Paper Clips…Harmless?

Are You Sure?

There’s something you need to know, something that few people know about. And the few that do…well, they keep it to themselves. Did you ever notice in your desk drawer all those cute little paper clips? Day after day, there they are, so innocent looking, so benign, until one day…

Did you ever notice in your closet all those coat hangers…some with clothes on them…others just hanging around, waiting…

Did you ever notice that sometimes when you open your desk drawer to get some paper clips it seems like you don’t have very many, when before you had bunches of them? And did you ever notice sometimes when you are putting clothes in your closet, it seems like there is no end to the coat hangers? And did you sometimes wonder why at times you can’t find enough hangers for your clothes?

Have you ever wondered about all this? Can there be an explanation? And worse of all…can there be a connection? You may find this hard to believe, but the reason that sometimes when you need paper clips and you don’t have hardly any when before you had bunches of the little fellers is this: THEY MUTATE INTO COAT HANGERS!!

Yes…’tis true! Those cute little paper clips are bombarded by omega rays from blue ink pens (which is why the Army only uses black ink pens). Not all the paper clips mutate. It is not known how they get into closets in order to hang around like coat hangers. Some theorize that when they are attached to letters and stored in closets, that’s when they have their chance.

Do you follow so far? When your paper clip supply is suddenly low one day, you will have an abundance of coat hangers! I don’t buy the “letter theory” myself. You ask why? Simply because not enough letters are written anymore to account for the transport of so many paper clips in so short a time.

So…you ask, “What’s the big deal about a passel of coat hangers in my closet that came from a bunch of mutated paper clips?” Well, I’ll tell you! THEY COLLECTIVELY MUTATE INTO KILLER TEN-SPEED BICYCLES!!!

Yes! Unbelievable, isn’t it? Killer ten-speed bicycles! The kind that jumps up in the air when a kid is riding under a low branch. <BAM>! (I don’t know, Mom. I must’ve hit a rock). The kind that folds up its front wheel suddenly when a kid goes around a corner. (I don’t know, Mom. I must’ve hit some loose gravel). The kind that catches your pants cuff in the chain…the kind that tries to flip you when you use the front brakes.

So now you know. Where are they? Lurking…lurking around garage sales, auctions, yard sales, waiting patiently for some naive kid to say, “Look, Mom! What a neat ten-speed! Can I get it? I’ll be careful…” Heh, heh, heh… (by Ken…too much sci fi in my youth!)